I am job hunting...churning out resumes.  They are adverts for me of me, and tailored to a particular audience.  Solicited.  Striking the right chord to get an interview to get a job.  But as I really start to delve into what, why, how...I am paralzysed.  I haven't got the job and already I am dreaming of vacations, of escapes and monotony.  When I close my eyes what do I see?  Is it me at a desk, me talking or me running?

I like the idea of the income, the security, but I dread the thought of getting up and working everyday.  What about the freedom in the job I already have?  The gift of time to spend with my children, the gift of sudden influxes of money and then time to think, to dream and to plan?  Maybe this is it?  I am so wrapped up in what I do not have, I cannot appreciate what I do have.  The reasons I did not get a job?  What were those reasons?  I did not want to be like everyone else?  Why was that?  What did I want to do differently?